I’m only me when I’m with you

Azra
4 min readMay 11, 2023

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“Friday night beneath the stars
In a field behind your yard
You and I are painting pictures in the sky
And sometimes we don’t say a thing
Just listen to the crickets sing
Everything I need is right here by my side”

It’s 9 pm, spring air hugging you from the outside of the window, you are in your room and going thru routines with your boyfriend when he is on tour which is doing videocall before sleep or when he has free time like this night. The comfortable (not so) silent leaving you in awe because hyuck isn’t always this silent while playing games, you wonder. But it’s not that you think of too much, you already have tons of tasks ahead that you’d mind to do.

“Switch the playlist please, you played this 100 times a day godDAMN” he said. Oh this didn’t age well.

“Shut up, it’s on shuffle— “GODDDDDDD I STRIKE WINNING” you let a big exhales because he is that loud when playing games.

“So,

A small grin flashing across his face when you exhales loudly. Not because it’s funny seeing you getting tired because of him screaming thru his games, naturally just because he loves you that much.

When he observed and listened to the song you played 100 times a week and he realized how much it (the lyrics) reminded of the good old days with you. The sudden memory flashes from this afternoon hits him hard.

“You know just about this afternoon, nana and I are talking about you. We saw the middle school photos of us and suddenly my friends gossiping”

“OOH GOD HYUCK WHAT DO YOU MEEAAAAN, i hope it’s not that embarasssssing” You face him on the phone, putting down your task

“It’s not about the photos or anything related to middle school but this song really hit home if i say out loud.”

How surprised you are when he says that.

He sang a part when all he think of was memories from the past with you, walking side by side till today (and onwards he hope).

Just a small town boy and girl
Living in a crazy world
Tryin’ to figure out what is and isn’t true
And I don’t try to hide my tears
The secrets, or my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do

“Years on school made me gone crazy and crazier if you remember that moment. How I gave my all to school, schedules, training, yet I still dropped out. But it was worth it looking forward to this day even I can’t make it up to you on your graduation day”

“It’s just graduation nothing to feel sorry about tho, but glad you survived this music industry”

“Still I regret those moment because you were that happy in the photos WITHOUT ME.” he let a big whines

“You sucks.”

“Okay back to the topic. The secrets, or my deepest fears, Through it all nobody gets me like you do. OHHHHH felt that line, my love.

“Confessing thru my fav songs while doing my task??? You are insufferable hyuck” but you smiled

“OKAY SORRY but Don’t ruin our moment i can’t fucking hug you rn!!”

“Your loss” still you smile widely

“Annoying gf sucks but still I love you to death. But caa look at MEEEE, jeno sent this graduation photos and I’m bringing flowers I got from you”

“Didn’t know such photo exist…”

“RIGHHHHHT. Aku aja kaget. but Well, from that moment you drive me crazy half the time —

The other half I’m only trying to
Let you know that what I feel is true
And I’m only me when I’m with you
” he lets out his pretty voice struck into your soul.

“Ini cocok lagunya aku kasih ke kamu deh ca. Mother taylor wrotes love song for me and you, all hail!” Him and his annoying [affectionate] smiles, you want to punch him so bad

“Mother taylor mother taylor! That’s my mother hyuckie. Tapi ya this song is such bff coded tau”

“Kan emang genre kita bff2lover well, althou someone refused it before”

“Diem deh luuuu” and he added the laughs you’d like to have it for the rest of the days

“Tapi caaa real banget ini aku jadi kepo what’s your favorite TS songs that resembles US”

“Cari sendiri aku gak mau sharing.”

“Ah pelit awas aja nanti aku cari dari playlist kamu”

“Curaaaang hyuck gak boleh curaaaang.” Bet he scrolled your playlist until he smile widely when he shows you what he found.

Silence filled the room as he went through your playlist, changing songs on your spotify session every one minutes so he could hear the tunes.

“You are in love bagus juga liriknya buat kamu ca dari pov aku”

“God you’re so — “ hyuck really laugh how you look so shy.

“I let you know that what i feel is truuuuue”

“Iya udah stop jangan scroll playlist aku lagi malesssss.”

“I’m only like this with you tau ca. Just listen to the cricket sing. everything i need is here with me tapi gak bisa aku peluk cuma liatin layar”

“Mending kamu main game deh.”

“Gausah salting gitu. Kerjain tugasnya cicaa. Aku liatin kamu aja”

Deep down in his heart, he wanted to say it out loud how much tender and joy when he is with you. You radiate big much love energy which he want to give all his love to and he won’t ever get enough.

(When it comes to the early spring of the night, and if you both end up spending one hundred springs together for the next year again, at the last spring you two share, he hopes to gift you the sincerity of his love with the thousands of pages written and printed about you. And he hopes spring has always another meaning everyday for you with him in it.

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